Fairy tale

Once upon a short time soon in the future in a land not so far away was as school. In this school were teachers that were happy, considered respected members of the community, and highly paid for all they did for the students entrusted in their care. The students eagerly attended school every day, anticpating the discovery and exploration of knowledge that would enrapture their minds. Parents attended conferences and resepected the opinions of the adminstrators when on the rare occassion discipline had to be dealt.
This school was filled with the latest technology to offer the students access to worlds beyond their community. Library shelves bowed down from the excessive weight of the books stacked upon them. Supplies were never in short supply and the curriculum was designed acknowledging the difference amongst learners . Staff memebers collaborated amongst themselves to ensure that students needs were being met in each and every class. The idea of teaching to a standardized test was a laughable obscure idea that would never come to pass.
The work lunatic was never mentioned let alone associated with those that were in charge of education at the legislative level.
Oh if only this weren't a fairy tale but how all seen education.
It is the way we make futrure leaders and the great citizens of the society we all live in.
My question is why does it have to be only a fairy tale?

Waiting

I have been waiting for an eternity! The hyberbole of time knows no bounds when it comes to range of emotions while I wait to hear from you. I know the news will not be what I am hoping to hear yet my life hangs in the precarious balance. The power you must feel knowing that I am anxiously checking everyday. The anticipation keeping me awake. The dread of impending doom weighing on my shoulders, dragging me into the trenches of despair.
Why do you insist on keeping quiet? I know the limits of time means nothing to you but my whole life hinges on what you say. Tell me! Tell! Me! Now! I beg of you the suspense is worse than any punishment you can give me. Tell me I failed and I will still rejoice with glee that at least you had the courtesy to let me know.
Patience I am told is good but so is being courteous. Everyday I race to the site in hopes to see that you have given me the scores. The suspense is killing me. My fingers are tingling with the urge to go there again in hopes that you have become kind in the short amount time since I last attempted to contact you. Why do insist on torturing me like this. I know that I am not the only one you have awaiting the news and I feel for them. We all are powerless against you. Post them please.

Time flies

It is Monday already and I feel like the week is already come to past. Forhte first time in almost seven years we had school on a Friday last week. For reasons that are obvious to me I seem to have lost some valuable time to get things done. I seem to be behind on the homework for this week and spent the time this last weekend playing catch-up from the time I spend on Fridays. My children are laughing at me for I am already stressing about getting everything done for this week. Of course it does not help that I had to leave work to take the baby to the doctor in Sandpoint for her first illness appointment (just abad cold Thank the Lord!) and that put me behind for tonight. It also did not help that when we got home we had some unexpected company which was a nice surprise but put me two hours behind for the evening.
It seems that once I get a little behind the catch-up game becomes a race of what can I do now and what can I put off until tomorrow. Prioritizing is not a strong suit of mine although it use to be and I need to get back to that organziational skill that has made me successful so far. The trouble is I feel that everything is important and they all are needing to be completed around the same time so how can I choose what to do first?
As I am sitting here typing this I realize that I am doing BHPM which is not getting me anywhere but in a more downward spiral. Wat happened to my promise of sharing happiness. It is only Monday I have the whole week to get the work done- well not tomorrow for that is Bible study class, and that leaves Wednesday to finish the two assignments due Thursday, then that leaves Thursday to complete the paper due Friday by noon. Yep I have the whole week to get it done!
Wow time does fly for I have written for the allotted time and feel better.

little things everywhere

It is so amazing how a little one can take over a household. As I looked around my house trying to find one clean spot I realized that most of the stuff was the babies. There is little socks and clothes everywhere which as we speak her mother is picking up. Her floor playmat on the floor along with her bouncy massage chair (oh how I wish they made these for adults), the baby supplies, etc. Okay I will take blame for the little socks for my favorite nightly ritual is to take her socks off her little feet, blow on the toes as they curl up, and then give her a foot massage. She loves it. She starts cooing and gurggling with a big smile that makes all the stress from the day just melt away. Her smile is so infectious.
Now she is getting to the stage of needing toys so when we were at Walmart I had to buy her a new floor playmat and other toys. The floor mat she had was for tummy tie and the new one has things that hang down (justification). The funny part is I am just as guilty for letting these little things take over my house for she has taken over my heart and world.
We are moving to a new town this summer and I am dread of they move to their own place. I will admit there are times when I think how nice it would be to have a grown up house again. My children are grown and I deserve to have the place to myself where there is no bickering about which show to watch or who has to clean up the mess. I laugh when I think that now for I am not one that likes to live alone. I relish the noise, having someone to come home to or expecting to come home.
My friends say I need to think about getting into the relationship phase again for it has been almost 5 years since the divorce but I have a full life and that is not what I want now.
I will take the clutter of little things and cherish them. Yes it would be nice to enter at least one room in my place and see a baby item there but I know that all too soon she too will grow up and theses days will be gone. So I will look around again and see that these little things are treasures of a time that will past by too fast.

A world gone mad

It seems lately that everybody is mad. My parents are angry at each other ad my sister, don't seem to want to talk to me either, the kids are fighting at my house, co workers are grumpy and then I red that there was a school shooting someplace. Times are hard and people seem to be lost and angry at each other. I admit there are days lately when I am not feeling too happy and would just like to scream. Here at home I am trying to be the peace keeper but the more I fail the louder my voice is becoming which does not help.
I try not to become discouraged but it seems that a big dose of happiness is needed around the world. At work we are having a March Gladness contest where the staff is asked to write sayings of happiness and students judge the sayings. We were all placed into brackets and eliminated as the week goes by. I tried to see what the staff was writing hoping some of it would rub off on me but truthfully it didn't work. Maybe because some of the people just chose not to do it and the sayings were not very cheerful. I won the day I was to do a saying but was approached by a staff member that had lost to let him take my next turn. I agreed for it seemed to mean alot to him to have another chance, He lost again today. 
I think part of the problem might be that misery loves company or so we are told but that is not the way it should be. we all want happiness so I am making a resolution to share some happiness by first apologizing to the whining in the first part of this blog and then second sharing my saying with the rest of you in the hopes that we all can try to find some happiness and share it with others.
Place a smile on your face- it plants the seed of happiness in someone else's heart! :)

Popcorn

How do you eat popcorn?
Do you smother it with lots of butter and salt? I do after I air pop it under the guise of making it more healthy. Can anyone just eat one popped kernel and then walk away -like they claim you cannot do with Lays potato chips. I know I can't just eat one or two. I am the only one in my family that really likes popcorn yet when I make a batch I make a large bowl so I can eat it for a day or two. Yep it only last a day or two. Every time I walk by I have to grab a mouthful then cram it into my mouth as white stuff goes flying onto the floor and down my shirt.
It always amazes me when I go to get undressed at night after eating popcorn to find a secret "stash" for the midnight munchies in my bra. (I cannot I am admitting to this) In my mind I can picture many of you giggling - but admit it there has to be at least one other person (Female) that has found something in their clothing (bra) at one time or another.
Popcorn to me is like a guilty pleasure. I cannot go the movies without ordering a extra large tub that I manage to consume at least more than half before the previews are over. It was the one snack I had to have every night when I was pregnant with both children. It can be topped with so many decadent toppings that range from sweet to salty to spicy (although that is not one of my favorite ways).
The tragedy though is that as I am getting on in years I cannot eat popcorn without some consequences later. It seems to not like my digestive system anymore so I am limited to the times I can eat my little delicate buds of white, buttery goodness. I long for the days in the past when I could consume the large bowl and dream of another tomorrow.
The sweet sound of kernels popping open, beckoning me to consume you has come again. Oh the sweet taste of butter and salt that coat my lips, pieces flying everywhere as I greedily consume you. The suffering of later cannot diminish the pleasure of now.
Time to munch!

Chris Crutcher

Today, this author came to our school to speak to kids about ? Well I was hoping it was about writing or about how to never give up in life but I was wrong. I am not saying I did not enjoy hearing him speak for he talked of his childhood and how he got the ideas for his characters but I guess I wanted more this time. I have heard him speak before; last year actually. The kids enjoyed his stories and asked great questions yet perhaps that is what is bothering me the most is the questions asked. I wanted the students to ask more questions about the writing process not just about who certain characters were based upon. Chris did a good job of telling how he blends different stories of people he knows  into a rich character or plot of a story. He did tell about how when he can't get past the first two chapters of a story he stops and tries from a different perspective of the character of even form a different characters point of view.
I am hoping that somewhere in that auditorium was a student that felt a spark to write or read a book. Here is a gentleman that is from a small town in Idaho that has been a teacher, a counselor, and now a published author that gets his books banned even in his own home town. To me if I was their age I would thing "WOW!" maybe I can do something cool too!"
I am not a mind reader so perhaps there was one. All I know for sure is that I was not feeling the spark myself. He still is great to listen to and if I have time again someday in my life I am hoping to read some more of his books. In the meantime, I will keep practicing my own writing skills in this class.

North Idaho's fifth season

The other day a friend that has only recently moved to this wonderful area asked if this was North Idaho's fifth season- the "Mucky Mud" season? After I stopped giggling I told her yes. Here in this area we are "fortunate" to have an extra season that causes people to scratch their heads in bewilderment as what to do and what to wear.
For people that are not aware of this season let me descdcribe it for you.
The Mucky Mud season is the season that falls between the end of winter and the beginning of spring. Sadly it is not a pretty season hence the lack of recognition by many. This season consists of dreary gray skies that drp precipitation in the form of snow, rain or mixture of frozen ball of moisture. The fleeting promise of warm sunny days do not disspell the gooey mess one will find with each step. The large mounds of what was once gleaming white mountains of plowed snow are melting into puddles of dirty water. Rivers flow along the streets attempting to drain into the glogged sewer grates. Yards become a slushy haphazard of quicksand, entrapping the shoes of the pedestrian foolishly attempt the dangerous crossing.
Drivers that had the victorious feeling of traveling across icy, compact snow ridden roads are getting stuck on the slimy mucky mud. Homeowners are now forced to park down the lane to avoid getting stuck in the gooey, flying from your tires, brown sludge.
Put away are the snow boots and out comes the golashes. These arer left out on the porch to dry over night so as not leave the tracks of the criminal that dared entered the house leaving a trail of mud behind.
Oh there are the good parts of the mucky mud season- I am sure there are. The outside temperature are rising, nature made mini-lakes are forming for splashing of little feet causing squeals of delight as they splash each other. The webbing between the toes only causes temporary quacking amongst humans and gives extra traction as one attempts to sludge their way to their destinations.
Yes we have the privlege of having five seasons here in North Idaho: Winter, Mucky Mud, Spring, Summer and Fall. Oh Joy!

Are you sure....?

Today was a somber day at school. It was not a surprise to many including myself with the events that have been happening at the state legislative level. We all have heard the opinions of our legistlators as they pass the bills that in my opinion are killing the education system in our state. With all this hanging in the air the voters sadly voted against the levy in our district. On top of this the accreditation team was at our school today to review our application and interview staff. We all had to pretend that we were not heart broken by the recent events for them and for our students. It was hard to hear the students ask about the rumors that were spreading like wildfire about which teachers would be fired and what programs we would not have next year. The athletes grieving for the loss of the ability to play. the students that participate in the fine arts (band, choir, drama) wondering what now and the teachers trying their best to reassure them that nothing was set in stone. The news that the budget for the levy will be reassessed and ran again in June did not alleviate any of the unknowns amongst the mass.
I had to ask myself this morning as I watched the news if I would have felt better if the voters in the other district had voted against the levies in the three other districts. Those districts were fortunate to have a "Yes" vote and the students in those districts will not hopefully the ramifications of the budget cuts.
So the question in the title "Are you sure...?" Well that was finished by the following words: "you want to be a teacher?" Yep that statement was asked today by a teacher that expressed her disheartment. Under any other circumstances I would have been offended; taking this question as a question of my ability to teach. I did not take it this way.  My answer was "Yes." As I stated this simple one word answer it was not as enthusiastic as it should have been however, I do want to be a teacher. I still believe in the public education system. I believe, as many do that are already in this noble profession, we have a passion to teach and that this is hopefully a temporary bump in the road.
I will admit I wonder what happened to education being the main priority as many politicians tell us. Lately we have seen it be the first to see many financial hits and bad publicity. I will defend the education system and stand by my hope to be a teacher someday. Yes there have been days that I doubt this attitude but I know that we all have been put on this path to share this gift.

Chattering

I am sitting in a class that should be quiet except for the noise of keys clicking on the key board as the students frantically race to finish their final attempt of their outline. I am amazed as I wonder around the room how few are near completion and  how many are visiting with their neighbor. I am not assigned to this class and the teacher is not one that welcomes help when paras are assigned to assist students in his class. I have learned years ago that it is best to take my students to another room whenever possible so that we may work in a more quiet environment.
I have noticed over the years that the students seem to have become more apathetic towards completing assignments these days. Mid-term grades come out today and the parent teacher conferences happen tonight and Thursday. Yesterday I observed many students checking their grades on the computer, some frantically trying to figure out where the missing assignments were so that they may turn them in as a last desperate attempt to bring them up. I have sat in the classes, hearing the teachers inform the students that all late work was due last week- at the end of the mid -term. I wish that many of these students cared throughout the grading period instead of just when grades are being sent to the parents.
It is days like this that make me wonder how I can motivate my own class of students to be come motivated learners throughout their educational career. I want them to become satisfied with the intrinsic rewards they will come to appreciate as they put forth their best efforts.
Well the chattering is getting quieter as the bell is getting to ring. The teacher is begging for the outlines and the line is very short to his area and getting very long to the door.
I hope parents show up tonite to the conferences and go to the polls to vote for the levy.

It's Coming

It's coming!
Look around you!
Can you see it?
Can you feel it?
Take a big breathe as you step outside.

Don't be fooled by the occasional flurry.
Look at people.
Gone are the dark colors, the heavy coats, mittens and hats.
Colors abound are appearing.
Sandals are on their feet,
Pant legs and skirts becoming shorter.

Pedestrians are filling the sidewalks,
Smiling as they pass each other
Nodding with acknowledgement of the arrival.
Moms with the babes in strollers,
Kids on their bikes
Filling the streets.

The birds are flocking to the trees;
Eating the berries of last fall.
Drunken with the wine and sunshine.
The gathering of twigs and leaves to make the nests.
The sweet sound of the twittering greet all in the morning.

Squirrels traveling from branch to branch
Searching for the forgotten acorn
Chattering at the cats as they lounge in the sun.
Dogs discovering the long ago lost toys in the banks of snow.
Those that have hibernated the winter away awakening.


It has been so long.
At times the dismal feelings overwhelming,
Now the zeal of new life and hope is bubbling up.
Songs of hope and love humming abound.
Warmth replaces the coldness of the long nights.
Oh yes it is coming!

It is glorious promise of rainbows,
Rain showers replacing blizzards,
Long lines at the car washes
Spraying off the grime and waxing to a shine.
Brown grass changing to green.

We welcome your arrival
We celebrate the promise of new births
Branches bursting with buds,
Flowers poking their heads up through the frozen ground,
Puddles being splashed with little feet in golashes.

Spring is coming!
It is almost here.
Set the clocks ahead
Replace the shovels with rakes.
Look around
It's coming!

Saturday

I wish that I could say that I accomplish everything that I wanted to accomplish today but I did not. I can list the excuses but they are just that excuses. I hate days like today when I set goals then find reasons for not accomplishing them. I never use to be this type of person. Six months ago, I was able to set goals and get them done, not stopping until all was accomplished.
It was a total unproductive day for I managed to clean the house, spend time with the grandbaby (her mom is now back to work so I have babysitting duties) and I read several of the game cards that are part of the game "Who is Smarter than a Fifth Grader." I am not smarter than a 5th grader. I was doing this as part of studying for my Praxis which is one week from today.
I so need to get ahead on my homework so that I can spend a majority of the week studying for this test. I am trying to not let the stress of one test that has the whole balance of the rest of my life affect me but I think I am failing at that also. I have a good start on many of the assignments yet cannot seem to finish them.
I have also failed to have any quality time with my son, which I think is what is really bothering me the most. Lately we have been arguing a lot and I am trying to not have this happen. He is not sleeping and is in a depression that is starting to worry me but no matter what I say or try to do it is the wrong thing according to him. I will just keep trying and tell him that I love him and pray that this will pass soon.
The baby is finally asleep but her mom will be calling for a ride in about 10 minutes so I cannot see the reason to start working on an assignment- yep there is another excuse.
I need to remind myself about the saying about excuses and dirty diapers have one thing in common -Crap!
Here is to a better night and a more productive day tomorrow- for you know what they say about tomorrow -"The sun will come out tomorrow -bet your bottom dollar that there will be sun tomorrow!"
now the song is stuck in your head as well!

Mother's Tears

A Mother's tears are special tears
They begin when you first hold the most precious gift from God and keep flowing as the years go by so quickly that soon you are watching your own daughter shed her own tears as a Mom.
As the children grow the tears flow from joy as they discover their way through the world. You laugh and cry in celebration as they take their first steps. A Mom will shed many tears in frustration as they hold their sick child that is crying in pain. The tears that flow as the laughter explodes when they say the silliest things and look at you with wonderment if what is wrong with you.
There will be the tears as they leave on the school bus for the first time. Standing there in the corner watching the big yellow bus take away your child to start the newest chapter of their life. Tears of pride as they stand on the stage playing their musical instrument off key and yet to your years sounding as if they playing like prodigy performing with a symphony.
As they get older there will be the tears that you share as they feel the heart ache of a broken heart. Hoping that the right words of comfort will ease their pain, promising that they will survive and love again.
Sharing the tears that you both shed as you tell them that the family is breaking apart and soon you will be living in a new home. Seeing the pain that overwhelms as they search for their own answers and try to comfort you that they understand with love and disappointment trying not to take over.
 Soon they are graduating from school and the tears flow as you stand there cheering on thinking that it was only yesterday that you were standing on that corner taking them to school for the first time. As they pack the boxes to leave the nest to start a life as the fine adults you have said so many prayers about, remembering the tears that you shed at night in frustration over their seemingly unwillingness to grow up and be responsible. Now you can only hide the tears and wish them well until they drive around the concert in their own car.
The tears change as the years continue to go by- they become tears of friendship. They have come to appreciate the sacrifices and joys that you had when they are young- determined to do you proud by having a child of their own. You find yourself reflecting on the smiles, the laughter, and the tears. Your heart swells as you head to the store for the box of Kleenex.
You enter the hospital room and smile as the tears flow down both of your cheeks as she presents her beautiful child.
Cry my dear daughter for the Mother's tears are the tears of new wonderful stage of life. A life of many experiences that can only be expressed by the bittersweet drops of salty water flowing down the cheeks.