Chains of Anger and Bitterness

Today it overpowered me. I became its slave. I knew it was coming and I let it, even though I knew that I have the strength and the power to fight it. No one wants to be a slave to the anger and bitterness. The weight is so overwhelming and makes it hard to want to breathe. I have been graced with so much joy lately and yet all of it is being crushed and shackled by these chains. The answers were there and yet I chose to do nothing and let it come. I futilely called for help knowing that all I had to do was turn the fight over to Him and yet still did nothing.
The chains wrapped around me tighter, the pain becoming the center of my being. Why am I doing this. I am to be dying to myself and yet I am focusing on myself. It is so easy to blame others and give into these feelings. That is what he wants though surrender. I know that I cannot let him win for he is the wrong one, the evil one. Those that have caused me to feel this pain do not even know how it has consumed me nor do they care. I cannot blame them for it is I that has allowed it to happen. I have allowed this bondage of pity, anger, and bitterness to blind me.
In one last desperate attempt I cry out for His help and ask for forgiveness. The chains loosen and suddenly I am feeling freedom. There is the outpouring of love shining through the clouds. A rainbow appears in my heart. The tears and fears disappear as I realize that all I had to do was ask and He would provide.
When am I going to learn to trust Him? I have been told so many times that the answers are all with Him and yet I allow the darkness to creep in.
There is still the remnants of what has started this battle but the pain is easing. I am given His forgiveness and love. Thank you sweet Jesus. My sins were washed away with your blood on the cross. Only you have the key to these chins that I allow to bind me and make me a slave to these feelings.
I am feeling those feelings of being uplifted. The chains of slavery to feeling of myself are dissipating. I know that I am weak still but the strength of His words is filling me with renewed hope. I do not need to believe in myself for He has already planned my life and I know that I can trust Him to what is best.