Anniversary of Freedom from Bondage

Five years ago I say in the courtroom, an empty shell, under the threats that he had made that morning. I kept my mouth shut as promised, letting him strip me of the possessions I no longer treasured. All I wanted was to be free and my children, but I had even compromised on those. The judge looked at me with confusion asking time and time again if this is what I agreed to as he read over the final papers. I could not speak but mumbled my compliance. After it was all done and I left the building I knew it was not over and the overwhelming dread was setting in.
I drove to a friend's house, knowing she was not there and cried; no sobbed. The fear, grief, and anger seemed to overwhelm me. I was alone, no home, no marriage, nothing including myself. He had finally won! He was home making the wedding plans and I was sitting in a van that was not even mine but given to me out of the graciousness of a man that knew the cost was more than I could handle.
After spending hours crying, raving at what I thought was an unjust God (please forgive me!) I drove aimlessly for hours with nowhere to go. I couldn't even see my kids that day for he was scheduled to have this week while I waited for the miracle of having a home to happen. How I could let this happen? When did I stop existing? After the years of being told I was a nothing I realized that is what I had tried to become- a nothing. I went to work at my job that night, smiling at the customers, hoping that time would just stop so I did not have to go back to that house and pretend that I was all right. My son would be there but so would he. Our daughter was due home tomorrow and that facade of a happy divorce would have to continue. Would he just go to his room and be on the phone with her or would spend the night torturing me with that victorious look as he continued to put me in my place and remind me how I should be so grateful that he was still allowing me to be there.
It took months - years to finally recover from this day that happened five years ago. I am so grateful to the Lord for showing me that it was not the end but the beginning of a victorious life full of love and triumph. I am somebody! I have more riches than I can ever count. I am still discovering things about myself with this freedom.
Yes I am somebody-I am Carrie! A woman with a bright future, a wonderful family, friends, and a God that has enriched my life in faith.
Happy Anniversary!